The February Dive

Just a word of caution: the grades of kids on the spectrum (and other kids with organizational difficulties) tend to dip this time of year.

During the first few months of school, we are focused on getting a good start to the new year – students, teachers and parents alike.  We’re all on the lookout for difficulties.  Teachers know they’re going to have to help students adapt to their new classroom.  The kids are doing their best to live up to the new expectations placed on them, from social demands, to learning how their classroom works, keeping their work organized and turning it in on time, and keeping their cool as best they can.  Parents are on top of homework and schoolwork, are working with teachers to solve problems, and are trying to keep everyone’s emotions in check, including their own.  All parties involved are on their toes, trying to make this school year work.

For most kids things tend to calm down a bit over the next few months.  They learn the ropes in the new classroom and come up with some strategies to help them survive the worst of the day.  Parents and teachers have adapted school and family life where they can and have established some sort of working relationship, (some work better than others.)  Homework routines are in place, parents and teachers are monitoring them diligently, and things kind of pull together.

Then the holidays arrive.  Suddenly, all the adults have a lot of things other than the kids to think about.  There are holiday programs, gifts to buy, cookies to bake, parties to arrange, decorations to be plastered over classrooms and homes, and holiday vacations to arrange.  School is still a priority – older kids have finals to take, and teachers are still trying to cram in as much learning as they can, but there’s a lot of pressure and stress on the adults who are trying to do everything they normally do plus the holidays, too.  It’s hard on them and their brains tend to melt a little around this time. 

Fortunately, winter break arrives.  Parents and teachers can ignore school for awhile and concentrate on the rest of their lives.  Kids are cut loose.  They may have family commitments they have to meet, but for the most part the adults are so busy that the kids get a lot of free time.  They get to relax, put in a few too many hours on video games, and do what they want for a change.  Life is good.

The holidays come and go.  The adults, exhausted by the demands of the holidays, crash into a heap of exhaustion.  They are tired.  Most of the women go into a brief coma.  The men enjoy the peace and quiet.  Again, the kids are getting a lot of free time and they’re okay with that.

Unfortunately, all good things come to an end and winter break does, too.  Teachers go back to work.  Parents peel their kids off the front of their computer and TV screens and throw them on the school bus.  The adults are ready for life to get back to normal.  The kids, however, are not.

Going back to school in January is not like starting a new school year in the fall.  The kids have had enough time off to get out of the school routine, but not enough time away from the classroom to build up that “new school year” energy.  It’s only been two weeks.  They still remember that school means a lot of work.  They know that extra video game time is ending and a bunch of drudgery is beginning.  Even the most dedicated kids can be a bit slow moving when it comes to school work in January.  They may not get all their homework turned in.  They may not study for tests as much.  This is a time of year when our kids aren’t at their best organization-wise, and it shows.  Their grades start to dip.

Parents and teachers don’t always catch the downslide.  They’re often not monitoring the kids quite so closely this time of year.  Things were going well in the fall and the kid didn’t need extra oversight then, so they assume he doesn’t need it now either.  It’s not until progress reports come out in February that everyone realizes there’s a problem.  Junior’s (or Junioress’) grades have taken a bit of a tumble.

If you’re like most mothers, this is when your guilt goes into overdrive.  You stand there, looking at your child’s progress report, and realize that you’re the worst parent in the whole world.  You’ve ignored your child and this is the result.  All his carefully nurtured organizational skills and homework routines are in shambles and it’s all your fault because you didn’t love him enough to monitor his homework as carefully as you should have.  He would be looking at a life of flipping burgers except since his social skills aren’t that great and he can’t handle noise, he won’t be able to hold even that job, so as a result he will starve to death. 

(Note that I said “like most mothers”.  From what I can gather, fathers just thump the kid on the back of the head and tell him to do his darn work, then come up with ways to make sure he does.  They seem to move from recognizing there’s a problem to coming up with a solution without spending near as much time in the “Oh my God, I’ve ruined my child!” stage as we mothers do.  There’s a lesson for us there, moms.)

February is often no fun.  We figure out that our kid needs help getting back on track and we knuckle down to it.  We spend March (and sometimes a lot of spring break) getting him caught up with school work, and the rest of the school year getting his grades pulled back up to acceptable levels.  Our guilt gets worn back down to normal levels (to where we think our child may just succeed in life even though he was blessed with a totally incompetent parent) and we make a final dash for the finish line and summer vacation.

Here’s a tip, from someone who’s been through this cycle many, many times.  Even if your child did really well last November and December, check his homework for the next month or so.  Make sure he’s writing down all his assignments and actually turning them in.  If he got to the point last fall that he didn’t needed your help studying for tests, double check his knowledge anyway.  It’s worth the twenty minutes it takes to run through his spelling words or to ask him questions from his study guide.  If you’ve got any doubts on how he’s performing at school, drop a note or make a visit to his teacher.  The effort it takes to help him get a strong start back to school in January is a lot less than the time, energy and tears you’d both spend getting his grades back up after they plummet. 

It might also free up some of your Spring Break, too.  That way you’ll have more time to nag your child to quit spending so many hours glued to video games, and enough room on your brain circuits to handle most moms’ other big worry that time of the year.  Yup, the dreaded “oh-my-goodness, bathing-suit-season-is-right-around-the-corner-and-I-haven’t-exercised-in-the-last-six-months” guilt.  Sorry, I’ve got no good ideas on how to help us all through that one. 

– Cassie

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